Books, Video and Music Recommended by Divorce Pranks

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From Kirkus Reviews , 07/15/92:
The bestselling author of Secrets of Men Every Woman Should Know (1990) and How to Make Love All the Time (1987) now dissects bad love choices. Quizzes, lists, and anecdotes render De Angelis's sensible material in easy-to-swallow morsels. Early on, readers are asked to make lists of past lovers' worst qualities and then to write a want ad for a partner, highlighting the common themes (``WANTED: Self- absorbed, damaged loser who has lots of potential and is doing nothing with it....''); and possible roots for these perverse attractions in the childhood family experience are then explored. Readers count off ``the seven wrong reasons to be in a relationship'' (from ``sexual hunger'' to ``emotional or spiritual emptiness''); ``nine fatal flaws to watch out for in a partner'' (addiction, control-freak tendencies, sexual dysfunction); seven compatibility time-bombs, etc. Although the majority of the text deals with negatives, going on the theory that recognizing self- destructive habits is the major step toward overcoming them, De Angelis comments briefly on the attitudes and flexibility necessary for change. Those unsure of whether to commit may value the elaborate self-test offered here, leading to a numerical assessment of compatibility. Given a tolerance for lists and comfort with an approach that precludes subtlety, readers with histories of unhappy relationships may gain insight from this solid, well-organized advice.

Oprah recommends this book. "The authors make a number of important new discoveries, including the delineation of two overall types of batterers. Pit Bulls, as they call one group, are violent because they are incredibly insecure. They fear losing their wives and therefore attempt to control them through physical and emotional abuse. Cobras, on the other hand, resemble the snake for which they are named, which ``becomes quite still and focused just before striking its victim.'' They become internally calm during abuse, as evidenced from the fact that--unlike Pit Bulls, whose heart rates increase while verbally abusing their wives--Cobras' heart rates actually decrease. It is the Cobras, the authors argue, who are the more violent of the two groups. Refreshingly jargon-free, the book ends with specific advice about how our society could better deal with domestic violence and concrete suggestions for women wishing to leave abusive relationships."

Finding Yourself and the Love You Want "What is the meantime? According to author and inspirational speaker Iyanla Vanzant, being in the "meantime" means being in a state of limbo. "When you are not happy where you are and you are not quite sure if you want to leave or how to leave, you are in the meantime," she explains. Rather than wallow in confusion, Vanzant encourages you to use the meantime as an opportunity to prepare yourself for true love. The first order of business is to clean house, starting with the basement--the place in the psyche where you store your most destructive thoughts. Room by room, Vanzant takes you through a metaphorical cleaning of the soul. This way, when your meantime days are over and love finally comes knocking on the front door, you'll have a clean house to welcome love into."

"In just the two days of reading this book my life was changed. Iyanla forces us to look at our lives from the opposite side of the coin, we all have a habit of putting the blame of our unhappiness on all those whom have wronged us, when in fact we are the only ones who is in control of our happiness. We can choose to stay in the "meantime" or take a whole new approach to life, starting with loving ourselves and believing that this is the most important thing. I am a new person because of this book and my outlook on life has been completely changed forever."

Starting over after a painful breakup, a divorce, or the loss of a loved one can be the most challenging experience of a lifetime. Drawing on insights derived from twenty-eight years of counseling thousands of men and women in making wise choices in the process of healing their hearts, John Gray has once again written a groundbreaking book--one that abundantly provides guidance and comfort to those who find themselves single again. With the processes John Gray has developed in counseling and leading workshops, Mars & Venus Starting Over opens the door to finding a rich and fulfilling lifetime of love once again.

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