ACOA Step 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

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Step Ten

Continued the process of discovery and recovery, making changes in our Lives when necessary, and, recognizing and celebrating our specialness and uniqueness, became capable of self fulfillment.

Step ten reminds us that not only do the steps as a whole represent a process of growth, but each step taken individually is a process too. In other words, we do not work a step once and then be done with it. Instead we use each step as a guide and we come back to each step again and again. Our road to recovery is more often a spiral path than a straight line. We in SAA often find ourselves slipping back into self blaming, negative thinking that leaves us feeling like victims instead of survivors. We find ourselves refacing the same issues such as denial, anger, low self-esteem, minimizing, depression and problems with sexuality and intimacy. We often cry out to one another, "Isn't this done with yet?" That is why, for us, an on-going twelve step program like SAA can be our support and strength when old problems arise again.

Most of us first took a personal inventory when we made our fourth step. We use the fourth step format to look at our strengths and weaknesses, to look at the dark side of ourselves as well as the selves we show to the light. Step ten encouraged us to make that process ongoing and not something that stops with the fourth and fifth steps. None of us are perfect, nor are we striving for perfection. Perfection is best left to the God of our understanding. We do strive for a sense of serenity that comes from confronting our sexual abuse and taking responsibility for ourselves and our behavior. We have had few models for this so it is a constant struggle. It has taken some of us years to admit things we have done wrong. Others of us have accepted responsibility for every wrong committed by those around us. We are not responsible for the sexual abuse committed against us, however much of the blame was placed on our shoulders. When and if we confront our abusers, we are not responsible for the pain that accompanies that confrontation.

Perhaps because of a tendency to accept so much guilt, it is difficult for some of us to come to terms with the mistakes we have made, much less to "promptly admit" them. Further more, to admit a mistake is to be vulnerable and, as survivors of abuse, we have a difficult time being vulnerable again. Unfortunately, by not allowing ourselves some vulnerability, we also deny ourselves a way to become close to other people. A survival technique thus becomes a roadblock to recovery. This feeling of not trusting has been painfully described by many of our members. Some speak of existing within a sort of glass booth where they find it impossible to touch others or be touched by them. Others morn the lack of real closeness in their lives or the feeling that even their close friends and lovers don't really know them. Granted, admitting one's mistakes is no cure for feelings of isolation, but it is a tool with which to begin making connections within and without ourselves.

ACOA Step 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

In association with books, music and videos recommended by Don't Fall Until You See the Whites of Their Lies.

ACOA Redondo Beach incest survivor MBW Family known for genealogy, Harry Potter Easter Party, wedding pranks, divorce pranks, redhead jokes,  the Oh No A Bear Picture, Colorado resident Marvin the Martian, Spirituality Stories, Casper, Amaryzingrace's Tweety, Angela's Taz, Brittny's and Drew's Angelica and Tommy from Rugrats Playground.  The guys won't want to miss my co-worker and model Marina Blackwell's photo gallery.