ACOA Step 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

In association with books, music and videos recommended by Don't Fall Until You See the Whites of Their Lies.

Step Five

We admitted to our Higher Power, to ourselves, and to another appropriate person, the truth of our feelings, attitudes, and behaviors, and began to feel validated and accepted for who we are at this moment.

Getting in touch with our feelings of shame, fear and anger in Step Four without talking these feelings over with another person might have led to increased feelings of isolation and depression. For this reason, the Fifth Step follows the Fourth Step closely, allowing us an outlet for the pain we experienced and a unique opportunity to gain acceptance and support. In the Fifth Step, we took a risk and shared "the exact nature of our wrongs" with another human being. In doing so, we also admitted these wrongs to ourselves and acknowledged that we were not God.

Many of us resisted the idea of making a Fifth Step. We told ourselves that it was enough to acknowledge our faults and perhaps even admit them to a higher power, but why share them with another  person? We protected ourselves by saying that this would only be an unnecessary risk at the very least, and at most, a humiliating experience that would best be avoided! If we were at all honest in doing our Fourth Step inventory, it was uncomfortable for us to share that self-appraisal with someone else. We didn't need to share the exact nature of our wrongs with everyone, but there was a tremendous sense of relief in sharing our "darker side" with another human being -- a person who could be trusted and who was willing to accept our imperfections.

As victims of sexual abuse, many of us were plagued by self-induced isolation -- first out of a need for protection and later in a steady retreat from the power of our own feelings and the feelings of others. Others of us had adopted the mask of perfection and being super-responsible in order to hide the reality of our victimization. OUt of our isolation and from behind our masks we cried out that no one had felt the shame that we had, no one had been so stupid or as cruel or as misunderstood, no one had experienced the same fear or the same sense of guilt, and finally, no one had been so desperate and lonely. We clung to these grandiose beliefs because they gave us a sense of specialness and uniqueness that we so sorely craved. How frightened we were to share these feelings and to learn that others had also been hurt, been abandoned, made mistakes, and experienced despair and loneliness. But it was only in that process of "letting go" that we experienced a sense of belonging to the human race. We did not have to be perfect, nor did we have to be so perfectly awful that we were undeserving of love and acceptance. In the Fifth Step, we came to the realization that we are worthwhile just because we are human.

Some of us struggled with the concept of forgivness. Should we or should we not forgive the people who abused us? For every SAA member who swears that she/he will never forgive the abuser, there is a member who wonders if she/he forgave too soon. Many of us forget that forgiveness must begin with ourselves in order for it to be extended to others. In sharing our inventories with other people we opened our souls for examination and hopefully learned that we had done the best we could with whatever knowledge or skills we had at the time. We who have been abused by others need deperately to be good to ourselves, to support and forgive the child within all of us who struggled (and still struggles) to make sense of this world.

This Fifth Step provides many opportunities for those of us willing to take the risk: to get in touch with our humanness; to re-learn to trust; to break out of our self-induced isolation; to take off the masks; and to forgive and love ourselves. Forgiveness of others will come when we are ready. Like the other Steps, this one is not only part of a process (coming to terms with the effects of incest) but a process in itself. Hopefully, as we learn that it is okay to have flaws, we also learn that it is okay to admit them. Each time we do this we re-take a Fifth Step.

ACOA Step 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

In association with books, music and videos recommended by Don't Fall Until You See the Whites of Their Lies.

ACOA Redondo Beach incest survivor MBW Family known for genealogy, Harry Potter Easter Party, wedding pranks, divorce pranks, redhead jokes,  the Oh No A Bear Picture, Colorado resident Marvin the Martian, Spirituality Stories, Casper, Amaryzingrace's Tweety, Angela's Taz, Brittny's and Drew's Angelica and Tommy from Rugrats Playground.  The guys won't want to miss my co-worker and model Marina Blackwell's photo gallery.