ACOA Step 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

In association with books, music and videos recommended by Don't Fall Until You See the Whites of Their Lies.

Step Six

Became willing to allow changes in our attitudes and feelings, and to make changes in our choices, decisions and behaviors, with the help and guidance of our Higher Power.

The Serenity Prayer has helped many of us through difficult times. We often prayed or searched for peace as we struggled to deal with the effects of incest in our lives, or found ourselves caught up in the dynamics of the incestuous family. We have often placed too little emphasis on the second part of the Serenity Prayer. Acceptance was important in admitting that we were abused and not responsible for that abuse. Step Six is a reminder that we need "courage to change the things we can." In doing so we take responsibility for our lives today.

Some of us are uncomfortable with the term "defect of character" and prefer to think of them as mistakes, weaknesses, or reliance on excuses to keep from making changes. How many times have we used an excuse to act in unhealthy ways? For example:

    "I always eat when I'm depressed" as an excuse to gorge.

    "I never could control my anger" as an excuse to blow up.

    "I'm just not a very active person" as an excuse to remain uninvolved.

    "I never was very responsible" as an excuse to act irresponsibly.

We have often used these excuses to continue in the same kind of self-destructive patterns that have plagued us in the past. Often we went back to the incest experience as the greatest excuse of all saying, "I don't deserve and can't ever be any better than this." There is some comfort in believing this, for then we don't have to expect anything better of ourselves. If, on the other hand, we become entirely ready to have God remove our defects, we must also be ready to admit that there is a life after incest, and that we CAN become the kind of people that we want to be.

The Steps teach us that we move in Steps and not giant leaps. All that is asked in the Sixth Step is that we be ready. We cannot expect our Higher Power to remove all of these shortcomings at once, nor are we ready to have all of them removed at once. Some we will cling to until they make our lives too painful, or until we recognize how they are diminishing our joy in life. Other defects we are not even aware of yet. Slowly and gradually the Sixth Step helps us recognize that change is both possible and desirable.

We must continually remind ourselves that recovery is a process, not an event; that this is a lifelong program; and that there are no easy answeres or cures for the way we feel about ourselves. We can learn the tools that we need to know through the Steps, but this does not mean that they will work for us unless we make a conscious decision every day to make them work. How much easier it is to stay the same! At least our pain looks familiar to us. There is some comfort in knowing that we have been here before and we know what to expect. Change means risk, which means being in an unfamiliar place and coping with it. If we continue to cling to unhealthy behaviors, we continue to give power to our abusers. If we become ready to have our Higher Power give us strength to face our defects and to remove them, we become strong and powerful survivors.

Serenity Prayer

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

GOD, grant me the
Serenity
to accept the things
I cannot change
Courage
to change the
things I can
and the
Wisdom
to know the difference.

By Reinhold Neibuhr

ACOA Step 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

In association with books, music and videos recommended by Don't Fall Until You See the Whites of Their Lies.

ACOA Redondo Beach incest survivor MBW Family known for genealogy, Harry Potter Easter Party, wedding pranks, divorce pranks, redhead jokes,  the Oh No A Bear Picture, Colorado resident Marvin the Martian, Spirituality Stories, Casper, Amaryzingrace's Tweety, Angela's Taz, Brittny's and Drew's Angelica and Tommy from Rugrats Playground.  The guys won't want to miss my co-worker and model Marina Blackwell's photo gallery.